"To heave to is to park the boat while out at sea. It’s mainly a heavy weather defense strategy but some people use the tactic to delay a harbor entrance for morning light, fix something or possibly just to have a little lunch at sea. As an example of how effective heaving to can be to endure through heavy weather, 26 sailors hove to in the infamous Fastnet Race where 18 people died in a horrific storm – none of those boats suffered any serious damage, let alone rolled or capsized."- defined by The American Sailing Association
This pretty much sums up this interesting place I've been in for a few weeks now. I'm not used to this... this feeling of complete neutrality. I'm used to passion! I'm usually revved up about SOMETHING: the show, the kids, a trip, designing, a new spiritual discovery... something, ANYTHING! "Flat" is not in my emotional wheelhouse.
So WHAT IS this?
Let's see if we can figure it out.... I find that if I map things out, I begin to see a picture. So, here's a brief rundown.
State of Mind: feeling flat and blah
Manifestation: Sugar + Wine + binge watching "Jane the Virgin" and "Manifest" (='s unwanted weight gain)
State of Mind: Irritation and a feeling of not having a place I fit... (it's not lost on me that the previous week could've contributed to this week's irritation)
Manifestation: Irritation with the spiritual sector.
(specifically) Why in the *WORLD are people putting off living their lives waiting for ascension or THE SHIFT? Why in the *WORLD are people wasting time on disclosure? It's such a slippery slope to insanity. Once you find out you're in the matrix... USE it! Use your new found knowledge to create the world you live in! Let me say that again: USE YOUR NEW FOUND KNOWLEDGE TO CREATE THE WORLD YOU LIVE IN!!!!! Did you get that? Don't STAY in that vibration of shit and deceit. You just give it power. (I warned you that I was really irritated)
I've always been intrigued by these two topics, ascension (specifically the act of The Shift) and disclosure.
Actually, I'd scheduled a pretty prominent figure in the disclosure movement to be on the show. She no-showed. No coincidences.
I'm not "New Age". I'm not a disclosure advocate. I'm not waiting for the external act of ascension. I'm not an energy worker. I'm not a medium. I'm not a psychic.
Actually, that's not true. I'm all of these things yet I don't fit in any of their boxes.
State of Mind: Resigned to what is: "What is" is the realization that I don't have a box. I'm a crab without a shell.
Manifestation: I'm beginning to get comfortable with being in this state of "heaving to". I should also mention that I don't want to do a show until I feel intrigue and passion. It'll suck if I try to fake it. Faking it is NEVER the answer. NO ONE wins when things are faked! (smile)
Just this morning I was picked up by a lovely man. (He was my Uber driver who gave me a lift to the airport) It just occurred to me that he said something pretty profound. He said something about sliding out of the passenger seat into the driver seat.
Ahhhh, I get it. How would one do that while zooming full-speed ahead? I think it quite prudent to come to a complete stop before hopping into the drivers seat!
Ding ding... and there it is!
Stay tuned for part 2
*you can substitute "world" for fuck